Caroling
by LunaPadma
Summary: Sequel of sorts to Christmas Carols. Jason just got roped into Camp Half-Blood's annual New Year's tradition. On top of trying to find a gift for Piper, he now has to parody a song, get over his stage fright, and somehow maintain his dignity.
1. Chapter 1

Twas the 19th of December, and…

Jason was relaxing in his cabin when Jake Mason knocked on the door. "Jason," he called. "We got a meeting in the Big House. Hurry up!"

Jason was a bit confused as to why Jake was bringing this message and not Leo, but he came out anyway and followed Jake to the Big House.

Inside, Drew (Aphrodite), Clarisse (Ares), Annabeth (Athena), Pollux (Dionysus), Travis and Connor (Hermes), Clovis (Hypnos), Lou Ellen (Hecate), Miranda (Demeter), and Butch (Iris) sat around a table, all arguing. Will Solace (Apollo) stood in front of a whiteboard, evidently trying to keep order.

Jake slid into a seat in between Lou Ellen and Clovis. He greeted Lou Ellen with a very long open-mouthed kiss, while Travis and Connor looked on with fascinated horror.

Jason took the seat next to Annabeth and Pollux, since it was the only open seat. He turned to Annabeth and asked, "Why are Drew and Jake here? Leo and Piper are the counselors."

Annabeth nodded. "But this'll be their first New Year's here. So Drew and Jason are stepping in. Unofficially, of course. And don't tell them anything about this, got it?"

Jason nodded weakly. He'd never admit this, but Annabeth scared him a bit.

Drew stood and pointed a finger at Jason. "He's a firstie! He can't be here!" she shouted.

Miranda Gardiner was apparently on Drew's side. "Rule number thirty-seven clearly states that first-time attendees cannot know about it. We were all subject to it, why shouldn't he be?"

"Rule number ninety-three," Pollux said quietly. Everyone turned to face him. Pollux spoke rarely, but when he did, it was important. "Rule number ninety-three says that if the firstie is the only member of the cabin, or if only firsties are in the cabin, they get in early. It was added because of me and Castor."

Will heaved out an old thick book onto the table. The book bore a resemblance to the Code of the Pirates in At World's End, which was probably the point. He flipped the pages until he reached Rule Ninety-Three. "Pollux is right. Jason's in."

"Um…in what?" Jason asked.

"Every year we sing mutilated Christmas Carols on New Year's. They're supposed to be about camp, the past year in camp, or the Gods, but there was a particularly memorable one about four years back, about Harry Potter," Miranda explained.

Annabeth smiled. "Athena. Jingle bells, Draco smells, Norberta laid an egg. Harry's broom went zoom-zoom into a Chevrolet, hey. Tribute to Deathly Hallows and our sister across the pond."

"And now it's time to pick," Will said. "Hermes is up first."

"We want Frosty," Travis and Connor said in unison.

Will turned and wrote _Frosty the Snowman_ next to Slot 1 on the whiteboard. "Aphrodite."

"Winter Wonderland," Drew said immediately.

_Winter Wonderland_ was written in Slot 2. "Iris."

"Deck the Halls," Butch said.

_Deck the Halls_ went in Slot 3. "Hypnos."

Clovis jerked awake. "What?"

"We're picking songs, Clovis. Now pick," Annabeth said angrily.

"Away in a Manger," Clovis said.

_Away in a Manger_ filled Slot 4. "Ares."

"Jingle Bells," Clarisse said quickly. "But only because _somebody_ took Deck the Halls."

"Save it, Clarisse, we've all been there," Will said irritably. "Dionysus."

"You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch," Pollux said.

"Zeus."

"Um…" Jason had no idea what he was supposed to choose. He couldn't even think of any Christmas songs. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer."

"Athena."

"Rockin Around the Christmas Tree."

"Hecate."

"Do You Hear What I Hear?"

"Okay, everyone's picked? Good. Dress rehearsal on the twenty-eighth, everyone."

And with that, everyone left the Big House.

Great, thought Jason.

Now he had six days to find a Christmas gift for Piper, nine to write a parody of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and thirteen to somehow get over his crippling stage fright and perform.

It's times like this he wished he stayed with the Romans.


	2. Chapter 2

Jason had a huge problem. A major problem. And it wasn't his distinct inability to find a person who would adequately convey the way Chiron went off on his drunk ragers (well, in his song, at least. Chiron didn't drink) and did not reveal just how much Keeping Up With The Kardashians he actually watched.

No. Piper was coming back tomorrow from her Dad's house and Jason still did not have a gift. And the Aphrodite girls were no help at all. Like Justin Beiber perfume was the way to go.

Leo was also no help. At least Jason expected that one. When Jason asked what to get Piper, he responded with "a giant trampoline or a pony. Was this a trick question?"

To which Jason had responded, "No, but it was a serious one!"

Leo muttered under his breath, "I was being serious…"

Jason had walked off. And now he was hiding in the Arts and Crafts cabin, trying to simultaneously think of a gift and write his song. Dress rehearsal was in twenty minutes, and he barely had 2 verses done. And yes. He was sticking with the Kardashians reference. Darn that Drew for getting him addicted!

The only other person in the Arts and Crafts Cabin was Annabeth's little sister, Iliana. She had something safety-pinned to her knee and was doing something very complicated with her hands.

Jason went back to his song. He was almost there. Just a few more lines and…yes! Finished with six and a half minutes to spare!

Iliana came over to where he was sitting and said, "Hey, can you tie this on for me?" She held out her wrist and one of those tie-on bracelets. But now that he looked at it, that was a really intense bracelet. It had swoops and swirls and a fish and stripes and all sorts of incredible stuff.

"Whoa, how'd you make that?" Jason asked. An idea glimmered in the far reaches of his brain. He blamed the close presence of the Athena kid for making his mind start waxing poetic.

Iliana gave him a look, snapping him out of his little zone-out. "My mother invented the loom, I attended Girl Scout Camps for six years, and you're wondering why this looks so good? Hello?"

"Sorry," Jason apologized. "Could you teach me how to make something like that?" Iliana gave him another look. "It doesn't have to be that complicated, but Piper is coming back tomorrow and I don't have a Christmas gift and-"

"Say no more," Iliana said. "You are going to go to your rehearsal for the New Year thingy, and then right after, you are going to report back to me for the worst friendship bracelet boot camp you have ever experienced. By the time I have finished with you, you are going to be able to chevron in your sleep! Got it?"

Jason got it. Then he ran.

In his defense, he was late.

He skidded into the Big House three seconds early. Everyone was already there, sitting in the same basic arrangement as last time.

Will was, again, leading. "We need a lead-in. Last year, the Stoll brothers kicked it off, with their delightful half-parody of Rudolph, which really lured the newbies into a false sense of security, since it wasn't an unusual occurrence."

Butch raised his hand. "What if we staged a break-up? Like, Jake, Lou Ellen, and Miranda took over and argued it out with a parody?"

"Why Jake, Lou Ellen, and Miranda?" Travis asked.

"Well, Jake and Lou Ellen are the only ones actually leading. And, let's face it, the rumors about Jake and Miranda have been going on for years. Why not? It's perfect!"

"He does have a point," Annabeth said thoughtfully. "The other counselors dating, me and Percy and Jason and Piper, don't work because Percy and Piper are noobs. It makes sense!"

"Jake's not a counselor," Drew pointed out. "Can he be involved in this? The lead-in is counselor-only."

"But that's what makes it so diabolical!" Travis protested.

"Since he isn't a counselor-" Connor agreed.

"-And since everyone is familiar with his wild break-ups-"

"-I mean, who can forget the savage one two months ago?-"

"It'll take them all a while to hear the parody!"

"It's genius!" they finished together.

Connor paused thoughtfully. "You definitely said more than me in that one."

"I am the Fred to your George. I'm gonna start, and I'm gonna end."

Connor pointed at him. "Avada Kedavra."

Travis looked mildly insulted. "That hurt, Connor."

"It should have."

Jason sighed. It was going to be a long day.


	3. Chapter 3

Jason stretched out his fingers. They were still sore. When Iliana said that he was to be put through the worst friendship bracelet boot camp he'd ever been put through, he'd assumed she was kidding. She wasn't.

She started by having him practice this really simple one that just involved tying one string all around another one. It actually turned out pretty well. He wouldn't have minded giving that one to Piper, but then, once he finished, Iliana snatched that one away and he started on one that she called 'candy stripe'. That one was a bit trickier, and left him quite adept at unpicking knots. Then she made him learn one she called a 'chevron', which was a bunch of arrows. Then, only then, was he allowed to make Piper her bracelet.

Suffice to say, he was up until three in the morning.

It was a very good thing (for Iliana's sake) that Piper absolutely loved her gift.

But now he had more important things to worry about. The only reason he survived the dress rehearsal was because everyone was watching Clarisse pummel the Stoll brothers, and therefore, not paying attention to him.

How was he supposed to perform in front of the entire camp? Why was this a time-honored Camp tradition? And why did he have a feeling that not all of them would survive the evening?

This last one was attributed to Pollux's 'You're a strange one, Mr. D' and Hermes's rendition of 'Grover the Satyr'. And, you know, his own.

Speaking of performing in front of the entire camp, it was time for the Campfire.

Jason headed down to the Amphitheater and took his usual seat in between Leo and Piper. The Stoll brothers were laughing their heads off about something, and Travis's girlfriend, Katie was shaking her head. Lou Ellen and Miranda sat near them, probably reviewing lines.

The Apollo campers entered, Will Solace leading them. They led everyone in a warm-up round of 'I am my own great-great-great-grandfather'. Then the festivities really began.

They started with 'We Wish You a Merry Christmas'

Lou Ellen stood up, slapped Jake across the face and screamed, "I wish you had never come here!"

Jake glared back at her. "I wish _you_ had never come here!"

Lou Ellen stamped her foot. "I wish you had never come here! And that you were never born!"

Miranda stood and said, "Well, I guess this good, for you and for me. You cannot cheat with me, for dignity's sake."

Lou Ellen stormed off. Jake sighed. "Well, now I have no girlfriend, and nobody to kiss at midnight. I wish it hadn't come out, today of all days."

The older campers chuckled. They knew what was going on.

The Apollo cabin began singing Frosty the Snowman, tentatively. They were still worried about that 'break-up' of Jake's and Lou Ellen's. Their break-ups were rarely that simple.

Hermes began singing their parody.

_Grover the Satyr,_

_Was a delusional soul_

_He was full of tin,_

_And he lived in sin_

_With a tree named Juniper!_

Jason chanced a look around. Grover seemed to be enjoying it. And Jason had to admit, it was pretty catchy.

_Grover the Satyr,_

_Had once quested for a god,_

_But he would have failed,_

_And we lack details,_

_But it was Percy J's fault!_

_There must have been some magic_

_On that coffee cup, we fear_

_Or in maybe Arizona?_

_All we know is this, my dear_

_Grover the Satyr,_

_Married a Cyclops_

_He was dumped that day,_

_And Clarisse, they say,_

_Married him instead!_

_Crunchitty crunch crunch, crunchitty crunch crunch_

_Look at Grover go_

_Crunchitty crunch crunch, crunchitty crunch crunch_

_Through the cans, oh no!_

Piper leaned over and asked, "What's going on?"

"Probably thought it was a good prank," Jason said. Which was true. It was a good prank.

They had started on Winter Wonderland, and Aphrodite had stood and was now belting it out. Drew dragged Piper up, who mouthed 'Help!'

_Monster screams, are you listening,_

_In the street, their dust is glistening_

_A disgusting sight,_

_We're pleased that, tonight_

_They are all destroyed, once again._

_Gone away, are the Titans,_

_Here to stay are the Big Three,_

_To face unafraid, the Earthborn unmade,_

_They are all destroyed once again._

_In Tartarus, there are evil bad guys_

_That want to destroy all demigods!_

_Then we say that we've got Percy!_

_And they run away from all of us!_

_Later on, they will run out_

_Of new monsters and of bad guys_

_And maybe that day, we'll go, unafraid._

_Into the Mortal world once again._

They sat down. Jason noticed that a lot of songs had been shortened. Well, there were a lot of songs to get through. And, really, who knew all the lyrics to We Wish You a Merry Christmas, anyway?

Piper gave him a quizzical look. "What was that?"

Jason shrugged. "I think it must be some strange tradition."

"I guess."

The Iris cabin, led by Butch, and drowning out the Apollo kids, launched into their version of Deck the Halls.

_Deck the kid who called you ugly,_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la!_

_Tis the season to be feisty,_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la!_

_Don, we now are broken up!_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la!_

_You see, I don't like you enough!_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la!_

_And you slept with my dear sister!_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la!_

_See the blazing ginger right there?_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la!_

_Well, soon we'll see that he has no hair!_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la!_

_His brothers will shave it all off!_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la!_

_And we'll laugh, disguised by a cough!_

_Fa la la la la, la la la la!_

Piper laughed. "Somehow, Grover the Satyr is still my favorite."

"There's something magical about 'He was full of tin and he lived with sin, with a tree named Juniper!" Leo agreed.

"There's still more," Jason said. "At least, I'm assuming this goes until midnight."

The Hypnos cabin shook off all vestiges of sleep, even wearing normal clothes, and began to sing.

_Away in their bedrooms, with pillows and snacks,_

_The little new campers lay down on their backs._

_They were only ten years, how were they to know?_

_That sleeping all day was their summer goal?_

_The conch horn is blowing, they all jerk awake_

_They only wake up now for promise of cake._

_They need only pillows, or blankets to nap,_

_To awake them right now, you'll need more than a clap_

_They like only sleeping, they think only of rest._

_And everything else is pushed to the nest._

_They wish to stop now, they are sleep deprived_

_And since they must go, they're glad they arrived._

They sat down. "I liked that one. It rhymed," Jason said.

"Yeah, I wonder who's next?" Leo said.

Ares stood up. That meant that Jason was going in two songs, right after Pollux. Ah!

_Jingle bells, Percy smells, Ella laid an egg!_

_Jason cried, Hazel died, and Nico saved the day, hey!_

_Dashing through the skies, in a boat that really flies, _

_Oh how scared they both must be, somehow they survived! Oh!_

_Jingle bells, Neptune's shells, Leo never paid!_

_Annie's spell, Frankie fell, and Piper's voice went away, hey!_

They sat down. The three, Piper, Jason, and Leo, made eye contact and then burst out laughing.

"The entire story, and my only memorable achievement is that I forgot to pay at Starbucks?" Leo asked.

"I wouldn't have cried, if _someone_ hadn't stocked the DVD compartment with the Lion King! I'm only human!" Jason protested.

"I lost my voice in March! Not exactly that big of a deal!" Piper said.

Pollux stood up alone, as the Apollo cabin launched into 'You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch'.

_You're a strange one, Mr. D,_

_Are you real, I ask?_

_You're the scariest looking father,_

_You have stories I can feel, Mr. D!_

_You're a Godly menace, with a penchant for nymphs!_

_You're a goddess, Mr. D,_

_To keep the balance right!_

_Your legend's full of dolphins,_

_And of drunken cannibals, Mr. D!_

_Why, I wouldn't want to be in one of those!_

_You're my father, Mr. D!_

_And I love it just this way!_

_I like that you're approachable,_

_You're not up on a mountain all day, Mr. D!_

_Given the choice between you and any other, I'd pick you all the way!_

"Aww," Piper said. "That was sweet."

"Yes, I felt the sweetness especially when he said 'You're a godly menace with a penchant for nymphs!'" Leo said sarcastically.

Jason said nothing as he watched Pollux and Mr. D hug off to the side.

Oh wait, he was up. Oh no!

He stood up quickly, and began to sing, hoping he remembered all the right words.

_Chiron the red-faced centaur_

_Had a weakness for the drink (Like Mr. D!)_

_And if you ever saw him_

_You could even say addict (Like Lindsay Lohan!)_

_All of the other campers_

_Used to call him a boozer (Like Charlie Sheen!)_

_They always let drunk Chiron_

_Pull a Vegas Scott Disick (Like Drew did last year!)_

_Then one foggy Solstice eve,_

_Hera came to say (with a large gun!)_

_Chiron with your future bright_

_Say goodbye to beer tonight!_

_Then all the campers feared him_

_And they shouted out and screamed (AHHHHH!)_

_Chiron the red-faced centaur_

_Please don't make our cabin clean (Make Hermes do it!)_

He sat down, face burning. He really hoped that Chiron was in a good mood.

Piper gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I didn't know you could sing," she said.

"I can't," Jason responded, embarrassed.

"So what was that? Armpit farts?" Leo asked.

"Um…oh look, Athena's singing!" Jason said.

_Rocking around to Kate Perry, at the New Year's eve partay._

_We can all sing and have a party, the ball is about to drop._

_Soon we can all go to bed, Later we'll try to forget._

_All that's all well and good._

_You won't want to remember 2011, when you hear._

_Seven am waking up in the morning, no you will not._

_Rocking around and caroling, have a happy New Year's Day_

_Everyone's singing merrily_

_In the non-autotuned way!_

"The Friday reference was a nice touch," Leo remarked.

"Yes, definitely," Piper said.

It was Hecate's turn.

_Said the king of winds to the demigod  
>Do you see what I see?<br>'Way up in the sky, demigod?  
>Do you see what I see?<em>

_A God, a God  
>Dancing in the night<br>With a butt the size of a kite  
>With a but the size of a kite<em>

_Said the demigod to the centaur old  
>Do you hear what I hear?<br>Ringing thru the sky, centaur old?  
>Do you hear what I hear?<em>

_A God, a God  
>High above the tree<br>With a voice singing bad poetry  
>With a voice singing bad poetry<em>

_Said the centaur old to the king of gods  
>Do you know what I know?<br>In your palace warm, king of gods  
>Do you know what I know?<em>

_A God, a God  
>Shivers in the cold<br>Let us bring Him pants and undies  
>Let us bring Him pants and undies<em>

_Said Great Zeus to the Gods on Olympus  
>Listen to what I say!<br>Pray for clothes, Gods on Olympus  
>Listen to what I say!<em>

_The God, the God  
>Is not wearing clothes<br>He will bring us mental scarring  
>He will bring us mental scarring<em>

They finished and sat down.

"I feel like that was Apollo," Leo remarked.

"Probably," Jason said.

The Hephaestus cabin stood up, taking Leo with them. You could hear Leo screaming 'Why don't I know this song?'

_Joy to the World, The time has come_

_To say goodbye to D!_

_Let everyone be happy_

_And start to dance around_

_Repeat the sounding Joy_

_Repeat the Sounding Joy_

_Repeat, repeat the sounding joy!_

_Joy to the world, the time has come_

_To leave this camp behind_

_College and beyond_

_The workforce waits_

_Let's run while we still can_

_Lets run while we still can_

_Lets run, let's run while we still can_

"One more?" Leo asked. "I'm tired."

Demeter stood up.

_Come, they told me_

_Pa rum pum pum pum_

_To this camp I see,_

_Pa rum pum pum pum_

_With people like you_

_Pa rum pum pum pum_

_I doubt it but I will come, too_

_Pa rum pum pum pum  
>Pa rum pum pum pum<br>Rum pum pum pum  
>Rum pum pum pum<br>So I guess I have  
>Pa rum pum pum pum,<br>To sing this song_

_I really hate  
>Pa rum pum pum pum<br>this song I sing  
>Pa rum pum pum pum<br>It does not fit  
>Pa rum pum pum pum<br>This rhyme scheme, gee!  
>Pa rum pum pum pum<br>Rum pum pum pum  
>Rum pum pum pum<br>But now it's done  
>Pa rum pum pum pum,<br>And all can leave._

They sat down. It was 11:59.

"Ten!" someone shouted.

"Nine!" Should he do it?

"Eight!" What if she pulls away?

"Seven!" She already kissed you tonight!

"Six!" But it was a friendly kiss!

"Five!" She likes you!

"Four!" Does she still?

"Three!" Do it!

"Two!" Don't!

"One!" Ah! What should he do!

"ZERO!"

At that moment, Piper leaned over and kissed him. "You looked worried," she said. "Just helping you make a decision.

Leo just looked at the two of them. "Next time," he said finally. "get a room."

Piper laughed.


End file.
